PRITCHARDS PERFECT TRIP DIARY, CHECKING INN

Sunday 10 Aug. 11, 08

Wake up at 6am after going to bed at 11pm from packing my bags ready for my trip to Cambodia for our second round of filming our ‘perfect trip’. The day before started a bit crazy as my head was still in tatters from partying 10 days in ibiza. I decided to go to watch Cardiff city’s first game of the season to Southampton with the boys. It was a good day as city won 2 – 1 and Johnston scored in the last min of the game. Walking home was a bit knarly mind as it was the first bit of face to face football violence I’ve witnessed. 15 southampton boys mouthing off to city fans outside the cornwall pub, something in about 10 min’s time they lived to regret. ¾ men down with claret fucking everywhere, the moral of this story is ‘don’t mouth off to Cardiff fans’.
Anyway, I managed to peel myself from the pub as the last thing I wanted was an all night session when I’ve got a 14 hour plane journey today so I said my goodby’s and jumped into my taxi home.
Aid (tour manager and all round top valley boy) and daint arrived at my house at 7am for our 3 hour drive to heathrow, stopped got some sandwiches and arrived on time to meet the crew. High fives all round and big smiles were the order of the day as we were about (for the second time) to embark on a mad mission to Cambodia and south Africa.
We checked inn and went to our terminal which, may I add was fucking heaving full of people. So much so it was doing my head inn. Me and daint went to buy ourselves a book each for our journey myself getting russel brands booky wooky and daint some book on ‘why do light’s go on in the fridge and not the freezer’ and ‘why do men do their shirt buttons up on the left hand side and women on the right’ hahaha very apt for us 2 bell end’s, shitty info but very good pub ammo at the same time.
I was gonna by some drinks in whsmiths with a que the length of john holmes (porn star) penis until some prick (excuse the pun) decided to push me out of the way without saying excuse me, so I screamed at the fucker and chucked my chewing gum’s in the air and left with smoke coming out of every orifice.
Sat down chilled out and got on our thai airways flight to Bangkok. Although we didn’t have our own tv’s we had plenty of leg room which is a rarity in chicken class and we relaxed opened our books and read away. Russell’s book is fucking hilarious and recommend you buy it, the way he explains things in his own witty humour is amazing. Im just getting to the drug’s part of the book which im looking forward too as I’ve heard some of his story’s before through my ex agent john noel and nik linen as Russell is on their books and john helped him through rehabso im interested in hearing it from his mouth. Guaranteed to be nuts.
I smashed 2 sleeping tablets down my neck listened to some lisa lashes and alex kidd and went to cloud coo coo land. Before I knew it I was in Bangkok. We went for a head and shoulders massage and then jumped on our next flight to Cambodia which was only an hour. 4 in flight meals (which were very impressive) later and my usual tomato juice (I’ve always got to have a tomato juice when im on a plane, don’t ask it just tastes better on a plane ghaha) and 2 glasses of wine we arrive at Cambodia and wait what felt like 2 hours to get our kit past some scary looking officials at the airport. These country’s freak me out as you always hear these story’s of people having their bags stuffed with drugs by some other cunt and they then pay the price in the Bangkok Hilton, a place where no man, woman or child would ever want to stay.
We got through and our fixer (dude who’s here to sort everything out for us and by the looks of things paid off the guy’s to jump the huge cue for customs) had our cars ready and away we go to our hotel passing mad traffic and the most motorbikes I’ve ever seen.
Checked into our hotel which like most country’s we’ve been to is top class surrounded by extreme (hate that word) poverty. I spot the pool and jump inn and did 100 laps in half hour. Im in my room writing this and daint said he’s having an hours kip aka a top class Cambodian wank knowing him.
I went to change some money and came back to the hotel for an hours sleep which was more than welcome, I woke up and met everyone downstairs to go for food. Had a few beers outside our hotel then went to a thai/Cambodian restaurant and the food was just amazing. I ordered 3 different meals as I need fattening up after my 10 day party in Ibiza, I’ve lost 2 stone over the last 4 weeks and I look like im about to evaporate so those 3 meals went down my neck like a shot.
After food we went to a bar opposite our hotel and as we walked in we were greeted with a screech of Cambodian women all at the same time going “aaaaarrrrrrrrrr hello hello welcome welcome” picture it in your minds but in a thai/Cambodian accent, hilarious. We settled inn and went upstairs for a game of pool and before I could fart the girls were setting the balls up and chalking my cue, hows that for service????? But at the same time in the back of my head I was thinking “are these hookers?”. They weren’t but there’s plenty all over this island and it’s full of sex tourists.
11pm came and I was smashed and kept toying with my mind “do I go home as we have to be up at 6am in the morning? Do I stay and dribble to my room?” put it this way, I ended up staying and dancing on the bar putting my own tunes on whilst everyone slowly but surely started leaving. In the end the usuall was left, me and daint along with our new body guard and medic steve who has done 21 years in the SAS and is hard as fuck and a top Scotsman who stayed with us getting smashed till 3am.

Tuesday 12/08/08

Wake at 7am with a phone call from the crew as I slept through my alarm and felt like death warmed up. Yep, all that went through my mind was “why do I do it” but there was no point in crying now I had a job to do. Jumped in the van and realised daint felt like shit too and steve captain SAS still hadn’t gone to bed, proper S.W.Y.D’ing he was. We arrived at the ferry port to get to this island we were filming on and when we reached the other side I realised I was to be driving me and daint in a jeep that resembled that of M.A.S.H stoked, although daints face resembled that of a scared child as he knew I was driving. Drove the jeep through all these crazy little villages with land as flat as a pancake on shrove Tuesday and arrived at our first destination which had a new huge Buddhist temple which was re built as it was bombed in the war in 1973. Before filming we had to go and light some incense and pray with the locals. Im an atheist but if there were a religion I’d follow it would be Buddhism. We walked inn with our lit insence took our shoes off and sat there and prayed whilst some of the best music was being played by some of the Buddhists on crazy instruments they had made, so peacefull and just so amazing just one of the great perks of travelling to such a wicked country full of happy, peaceful smiling people. Those peaceful smiling people were soon to be horrified by what we were about to get up too. I cant say what happened next as you’ll have to watch the show but put it this way it was a mixture of fun and wrongness. After the night before and with a stinking hangover with what seemed like 90% humidity I felt like I was about to die.
We finished filming and jumped back into our jeep for the wicked drive back to the ferry again. I put my seat back and enjoyed the ride stuck in 2nd gear as I couldn’t find 3rd, the rd’s are so bumpy you don’t need 3rd anyway so I was ok.
Jumped on the boat and me and daint went back to the hotel for lunch so we could have a chill and be in some air con for an hour. I ordered a curry (again) ate it and chilled whilst watching the Olympics.
The driver came to pick us up and we went to the port and jumped on a boat ride down the mikon river which was amazing and did more filming then got to land and I went for a 90 min foot massage. I enjoyed it so much I fell asleep snoring my head off and woke to find 3 more people next to me. All I could think was “I hope I didn’t have a raging bonner” in my sleep with all these people around. Daint had a 90 min thai massage so when we finished we were relaxed and got ready for another night on the tiles.
Call time in the hotel lobby was 8pm then we headed to the world famous FCC restaurant which is adorned with amazing photo’s of the war lovely décor and once again some top class food. I’ll miss this place for it’s food it really is amazing. 2 mohitos later and we headed to bar dv8 again as we had such a good time the night before. Once again we were welcomed with the with the usuall aaaaaaaahhhhhhh from the girls and we sat down and got stuck into our jack and coke’s. 10 drinks later and im back dancing on the bar to our very own dj and cameraman sam haha he whacked out the tunes whilst me and steve (bodyguard, medic) had tops off raving our heads off and almost getting our heads chopped off from the fans coming out of the ceiling. The other cameraman martin roach had our photo cameras and had the job of clicking away. At the end of the night i realised we polished off 3 bottles of jack between us. I don’t think they’d blink an eyelid if you were pissing off the bar onto someone’s head or smashing the odd pint glass on the bosses head they love it.

Wednesday 13/08/08

Woke up feeling like oliver reed/panch/alex Higgins at 7.30am ready for another days filming. Once again it’s bloody hot but (just interrupting you for a bit because as im writing this a pigeon is staring at me inches away in the window. Don’t know what he wants but he aint coming inn) at least the sun’s out today so it wont be as humid.
Basically once again I cant go on about what we got up too this morning but it was horrible. It involved putting something into my mouth and swallowing it (and no, before you say it it wasn’t daintons spunk hahahaha) which led to us going off and taking on our next scene.
At hotel room now waiting for my room service food which is again a chicken curry.
Went to a hostel up the road to do some more filming and I find out were staying here too. The hostel is called ‘the pickled parrot’ and it’s a really good place. It’s your typical Australian hostel (run by a guy from perth) and the walls are pasted with ozy memorabilia. The food is good and the waitresses are even better. We go upstairs to one of the rooms for filming and what happened in the 2 hours we were there filming was some of the funniest shit me and daint have done. We didn’t stop laughing/giggling for ages and just had a proper fuck around. You know when someone just say’s the littlest things and you just loose it laughing????? Well, it was like that.
As per usual, filming done so we had some beers, food, massage, jack and coke, change bar come inn smashed at 2am. I went to bed and left daint downstairs with one camera man (martin roach) and the director (jim hickey) and I should have guessed there was something going on but I didn’t so I fell asleep only to be woken up with daint in my face grinning and camera along with it’s light on above him. I thought “am I dreaming?” no I fucking wasn’t the work of daint was being done on me there and then and I freaked out and went nuts whilst he and the others found it highly amusing. Watch the show for evidence.

Thursday 14/08/08

Before I go into what happened today let me tell you what I think of Cambodia.
Basically this place is just amazing, at the moment it’s the monsoon season but we’ve been fine in the days and it pisses down at night for about 2 hours. When it rains here it fucking pisses down, it’s like standing under the Niagara falls.
The people here are the nicest people in the world just like the thai’s very happy, always smiling, can never do enough for you, just all round nice people and you never once feel threatened by them and just to think it’s a third world country and most of the people have nothing really. No playstations or Xboxes flash tv’s and houses, the kids are happy with the smallest of things, brilliant. It makes you think how lucky we are back home and how much we moan about the stupidest of things. The state on our country and some of the idiots and chavs we have with no respect for anyone, walk our streets getting away with murder with with the worst manners is embarrassing. Manners and respect go a long way and it’s in abundance out here and I love it.
Transport is cheap and so is the beer. The traffic is nuts, remember the game ‘frogger’ (for those who were in my generation hahaha) well it’s like playing frogger walking across the road. If you can picture yourself looking over an ant colony then that’s what the traffics like. There are massage shops every 5 yards and a 1 hour thai massage is only £4. You could pay for 10 hours and you could sleep there whilst being massaged and it would still be cheaper than back home. The markets here are amazing and huge and you can get anything from the bizarre to the normal. Certain places have a bit of a pong hovering around but that’s not too bad, just switch your nose off.
Take it from me, if you can take the time to come over here you wont be let down. The whole of south asia is brilliant. Right im gonna stop now before I end up sounding like Judith challmers.

Woke up a bit later today at 9am and we went to this apartment to film the title sequence for the show. We turned up and it resembled that of a proper high budget movie, light’s, camera, action. Me and daint had to do a bit of acting which was fun and we really enjoyed it. After we were done I just looked back on what we did and im so exited to see the outcome of it.
Hi everyone Pritchard calling in his pissed up state. Just got inn from another night on the tiles in Cambodia and what a winner it was. Acquainted a few bars then ended up in our local the dv8 with steve and rocked the place once again. Dancing on the bar and dj’ing all night. We had a comp who could play the worst song so I played spice girls ‘2 become 1’ which everyone apart from the girls hated then followed it up with the village people ‘YMCA’ which I actually like but steve shouted at me “you’re a gay” hahhahaha . he played another bad tune which I cant remember now but it was shit then I finished it off with a ub40 tune ‘red red wine’ hahaha now that is shit. After our little comp we went into some ‘energy 52 café del mar’ which not only got everyone rocking but reminded me of Ibiza memories and just for a minute I pretended I was in Ibiza but as soon as I opened my eye’s I saw ladyboys hahahahaha. South Africa on sat then im back to the island where only the devil is allowed, IBIZA. Oh yes yes yes yes and im staying in a house full of lapdancers this time with a welsh boy I met over there last time from mountain ash garreg and troy who’s an English cunt (hahaha only kidding) but has looked after me.
Me daint and steve went out for another night of LTD living the dream and started with some food at the pickled parrot and some jack and coke’s then went to the bunny bar and headed to dv8 again and did our usual, got smashed danced on the bar etc etc. got inn at 3am and passed out.